Of Ducks and Geese

To the untrained eye, ducks and geese may look like the same animal. But it is not thus! They are as different as day and noon, as black from grey, as chalk from a similar naturally occuring rock type used for writing purposes, world’s apart!

For one, geese have longer necks.

Em…ducks have shorter legs. And have that funny walk, scientifically called a ‘waddle’. Ducks also have a song, quite imaginatively titled ‘The Duck Song’. Which is about the trials undergone by a member of the species in its search for nourishment…quite moving.

But the greatest difference between ducks and geese is that geese are mean AF.

There are more goose (geese?) attacks reported every year than there are duck ones. It is a phenomenon that has, from time immemorial, puzzled scientists, all of whom have failed to decipher it.

But we, here at Misinformation Inc, have it at last. It’s simple. Stay TF away from geese. You are less like likely to be attacked by a goose where they are not found. We suggest areas like land, away from fresh water bodies, and the middle of the ocean as idyllic locations to avoid confrontations.

However, if confronted by the animal, we suggest not doing the following;

1. Reasoning with it. Geese by nature do not understand the English language. Mainly because of their poor study habits.

2. Touching it. A goose bite is as painful as being bitten by velociraptor. This has been proven with careful study. (Spielberg would have made a killing in the box office if he had focused on the blood thirsty birds instead of those lame dinosaurs).

Oh, and geese can fly, so running is not an option.

We suggest curling up into the foetal position until they tire of torturing you. This is the best solution we have come up with to date.

This study was undertaken to educate the public on the difference between ducks and geese for public safety.

*This concludes the report summary of the 6 year study undertaken by the 12 man research team headed by Dr. T.H. Isbull.


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