A Few Silly Things I Believed True

…and are mostly Mummy’s fault (yes, I’m a fully grown woman and I call my mother Mummy).


Blue lizards steal your teeth

I swear, why I don’t have weekly shrink sessions is beyond me. But this one, all of us believed.

In Mombasa(where I’m from. Yes, I know I don’t have the accent, I guess Michael McIntyre was wrong),there are lizards with the blue body and orange heads. I should point out that they are the males of the species with the females being a dull brown speckled mess.

You see, naturally males vie for the females’ attention from everything between bright colours, dance, song, the ability to build (I must say, females of most species have a natural inclination to art and beauty while men are just into procreation *read sex) and as such I do not understand the human inclination to go against nature.

Let me digress a little more. Most people would say that homosexuality is unnatural, but may I point out some of the members of the animal kingdom have ‘gay’ tendencies? Older male dolphins with younger males, female hedgehogs, elephants and rhinos(and I hear that can get inter-special…kinky). Although this could be all propaganda material to make homosexuality more acceptable…don’t trust the internet man, trust no one I TELLS YA!

Anyhoo, back to the lizard story. I don’t even remember who perpetuated this particular rumour (although Mummy is suspect numero uno), but I was told that if I were to show my teeth (loosely translated to mean I shouldn’t speak), the lizards once spotting the pearlies, would come in the night and steal them. Maybe they had a tooth-fetish, maybe they were part of the underground tooth market and were trying to cut out the tooth fairies, I don’t know. I believed it and it stuck.


Parseltongue Kenyan-style

This was way before the Harry Potter craze (feeling pretty old right now) and was used to prevent us kids from making a particular noise with their mouths.

It’s made by pushing your tongue between the lower teeth and the lip, pulling your lip over your tongue and then pulling your tongue back to make a sucking noise. (Now, if you are trying to make this sound yourself, you shall fail miserably).

And we were warned that it would result in drawing snakes close and they’d bite you and you’ll die. Thus ensuring complete and utter obedience.

Well, it seems (and I was told this  quite recently) that that particular noise is made by the movement of a man’s parts in a woman’s lady parts.

It sounds like sex.

Enough said.


Do you have any weird and unusual things your parents told you when you were a kid?


P.S. If you are one of my siblings reading this; Of course this is all fiction.


P.S. To the rest of you; No, it’s not.


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