My Thoughts on Scientology

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

For real?

A bit lost?

Okay, let me start from the beginning.

I was watching SouthPark (who said TV’s not educational) and one of the kids was mistaken for the reincarnation of L Hubbard, the founder of the Church of Scientology. Hilarious! But what really got me interested was when they showed what Scientologists believe in.

So it seems in a galaxy far, far away, there was a alien ruler called Xenu who wanted to control the population by eliminating excess people (are aliens people?). So he had them caged and sent to Earth where they were thrown into a volcano and died (Hitler would be proud). But the story doesn’t end there. No, no, no…it gets better.

When they died, their souls were released from their bodies (weird how we’ve never investigated the possibility of alien souls…heaven must be really rock and roll) and floated upwards, I expect to go back to their planet or something. But the evil ruler dude figured they’d try to do that and set up ‘soul catchers’ – big machines that sucked up the souls into a second captivity.

Bet Xenu was shitting his pants on what to do. So he did what any evil dictator in his right mind would do; he brainwashed them. To make them forget where they came from, then he set them free and they inhabited the human hosts they found. Now here’s the kicker; the souls are immortal so they don’t die with a generation but live perpetually for all eternity.

Here’s where the Church of Scientology comes in.

They use various practices to locate these alien souls, talk to them and stuff till they go away. Or is it for people to realize their true alien immortal nature? Still unclear about that part.

No, I’m not joking. This is actually what a certain segment of the human population believes in.

Usually, I’m open-minded, but sometimes you can open your mind so wide your brain falls out.

If you are a Scientologist and you read this, yes, I am laughing at your beliefs, but I subscribe to the live and let live policy, so, whatever floats your boat.

The rest of the world has different issues with the CoS, mostly surrounding their human rights violations, the fact that people have to part with huge amounts of money to receive teachings and that they are a secluded and secret society, which people are naturally distrustful of.

And I agree. If you are a real religious organization, shouldn’t you spread the world so that people all round the world who might be possessed by these alien souls have the opportunity to get rid of them? And why do teachings cost so much money? It gives the feel of a pyramid scheme. And what’s with the disconnection policy? That people who belong to your church don’t interact with people of other beliefs, that children shouldn’t go to public schools, that you have your own medical personnel and don’t allow your people to go to public hospitals no matter how serious the problem? It all sounds extremely fishy to me.

The difference between Scientologists and UFO enthusiasts are that UFO chasers have the self-belief and resilience to publicly declare their beliefs and screw everyone who doesn’t believe them. They go on searching for what they believe without fear and they obviously don’t charge hilarious amounts of money to spread the word.

Take a leaf from your fellow crazies.

Nope, scratch that, UFO chasers aren’t crazy.

 
Additional Resources

Official Church of Scientology

Operation ClamBake

Ex-Scientologist Kids

Wikipedia

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